A few days ago, I happened upon a poem that stopped my scrolling to a halt. I don’t know the origin, author, title, or if there’s more to it, so if you recognize it please let me know.
It goes like this:
“ And I understood that if I kept it all up. . .
no one would know me.
A dim light far in the distance? No.
To love, I had to be there.
I had to be there to be loved.”
It is short. It is deeply profound. And it could not be more aligned with my very personal journey with spirit. I have this concept of “the light.” A ball of light within each of us which is uniquely lit to our own personal frequency. The more authentically we show up in the world, the greater the light becomes. . . the more it inspires the authenticity of others. It is this light which I define “inner calling”, not as my business, but as a concept. There are winks of this belief system in my whole life, but especially in my teenage years. My favorite song for most of high school was “Last Hope” by Paramore. If I could write the entirety of the lyrics here and know you’d keep reading, I would, but instead I’ll encourage you to give it a listen when we’re done here. It’s about a spark that keeps you going. And that spark is different depending on who you are. It took me a long time to recognize that no one knew mine, because I was too busy trying to emulate the spark of others, trying to hide my light for fear of it being seen and not good enough to love. At some point I did learn that the only way to be loved properly was to be seen fully. And that truth changed everything.
This phase of my life, the past few months particularly, has been full of new experiences for me. Softer, more thought out movements. Gentler conversations with myself and others. Most of all, an internal expansion and regulation I never knew I would be able to achieve. I have read for more souls in the past three months than I probably did all of last year. My strength and ability to carry loved ones through portals of transformation has been called upon continuously as of late, and for that I am honored but also. . . surprised. As I reflect on the longest stretch of holding space at this capacity, I am reminded that only I could do it quite like this. And it’s only happening because I was brave enough to let my light be seen, when it was just a flicker.
I’m writing this with tears in my eyes and warmth in my heart. Days no longer pass where I am not reminded how very blessed I am to be existing here and now. I no longer wonder if I am worthy. I no longer accept energies which do not reflect that truth. I am calling in a year ahead full of newness. An expanded consciousness, abundance, responsibility, love, and mystery. My life feels BOUNDLESS because I leave no stone unturned. Am I aware that one day (probably not that far into the future, even) I will look back on today and say “oh, she didn’t even know the half of it?” YES! And I cannot wait to have the opportunity to dive deeper into the waters of my truth and my existence.
For now; however, I pour into myself with the wisdom that things have never felt this good because I have never allowed myself to be this real, and it is so. very. liberating. I have never granted myself permission to show my humanity quite like this before. And this peace in my heart could never, ever be wrong.
I am so dedicated to my mission, now more than ever. I am so validated in my path, so incredibly grateful for the opportunities ahead of me. And I am taking it all in, and looking for anywhere I can sink even deeper before the year of the Fire Horse begins, because I know we are about to speed up.
If you take anything from this, let it be that your truth and your light is the medicine. It is the answer to the question in your heart. It is the clarity you seek. It is the missing puzzle piece. It is where you begin, and where you return to. And it is always, always there, no matter how dim.
May you continue to foster that flame. And may we emerge into the new year burning brighter than ever before. Aho.