Every time I make a declaration that I am never going to do x ever again, you know my ego is talking. Because girl, if there is anything I know to be true about myself, it’s that I love to let a lesson linger.
“Never” and “Always” should not be in the vocabulary of a healing soul. Like I said in my most recent live reading for the collective, “the wheel of fortune is always turning and what that means is it is always spinning in favor of abundance; nothing is ever permanent. No state of being is ever permanent, therefore we need to release this concept that one day we’re just going to wake up and everything is just gonna ‘be good. . .’ We are constantly in this state of movement, therefore we are also constantly in the state of moving towards abundance and away from lack but, simultaneously, the opposite is true at the same time, because every lesson requires us to lose and to gain.”
Once upon a time at the beginning of my healing journey, I was gifted a birthdate candle. You know the ones with your birthdate, astrological sign, a phrase and paragraph about yourself depending on when you were born? It was before I knew much about astrology besides the stereotypes about Leos. The phrase of my birthdate was “Keep on Keeping on.” I remember reading it and laughing out loud, because nothing felt more like my approach to life, and the particular way lessons tended to come my way.
In the beginning, it felt like an ironic, but tragic comedy. So I was going to be actively paying attention to everything in my life (or trying my damndest to at least,) and still taking forever to see progress? I was destined by the stars to take two steps forward and three steps back? Seemed like a crock of shit to me at the time, who was bitter, overworked, sad and angry.
Since then, I’ve come to realize, and even love, when a lesson comes back around to remind me where there is still work to be done. I think a part of it is because I am willing to fight forever for my own evolution, if it means I still get to be here. In the past, the thought of “still having work to do” felt like a to do list that would never end.
I think of the “Karmic Trench” card in the first deck I ever worked with, The Akashic Tarot. It depicts a farmer digging trenches, with a vast field ahead of him to go. And I smile fondly as I remember the relationship I have had with this card, and how I’ve come to find peace with just how much work there truly is to do. Because it is a privilege to wake up and continue to work on myself. It is a blessing to have the capability to look in the mirror and find myWHOLEself not only worth loving, but also worth working on. And finding joy, feeling love, experiencing magic, and resting. . . well that’s all included in the work, too.
It is true that the earthly lessons, well, they are playing out very much how astrology predicted. I make progress with my abundance mindset, and then I see the numbers come out looking the same, or worse than the last month, or maybe I make more but the expenses in my life simultaneously rack up higher and it ends up evening out once again. I’ve found healing in some relationships, only to be thrust into grief and immediately handed a harder lesson. My clients are all too familiar with the video game analogy I use for life. Every time you level up, the challenges get harder. But, we get stronger too. And more prepared.
The more I learn, the less I know. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a beautiful knowing. Because the pressure is off to know everything. Granting myself permission to allow the unknown to be a great mystery has been such a lovely removal of weight off my shoulders. I hope if you’re reading this, you take a few moments (at the very least) to read that a few times and grant yourself that same permission. It clears up space to focus on the parts of life you are an active participant in. (I almost wrote “can control,” but I didn’t. And that’s growth, baby.) I can’t really control a damn thing, and when I stopped trying to force that to be false, I set myself free.
Be free, my friends. Thank you for reading.